permission

I think I'm at the age of mid life crisis - or almost.  With most things in life, you have to experience something to understand.  Like, I never understood the things people would do like buy a sports car or get a divorce and seek a younger fling or whatever people do.  But!  I imagine that I may have a little perspective lately.  I feel like I'm feeling my age.  Sometimes.  Most of the time I go through feeling the same way I did at 17! ha.  and I'm surprised a lot of the time that I'm almost 40.  yikes!

But lately I'm feeling life slip away...and realizing that if I'm lucky enough to live to 78 years old then I am middle age!  So, it's like an urge to take stock and think of what I want and catalogue what is and what isn't.  Does that make sense?

So in the midst of these ponderings I've realized that in a lot of ways I don't do things that I want to do.

One biggie is that I've let myself get caught up with what other people think I should do.  Example: I know I need to work out.  I want to work out.  Well meaning friends say I should get up early and go to a certain class at 5:30am.  AM!  as in early morning.  It's just not going to happen.  At all.  Ever.  And then I feel guilty.  I feel like not only have I let them down (?) I've also let myself down.  I don't know why I do that.  I don't know why I care?  But, here's the result - I don't do anything then because I feel like I blew it!

That's just one example.  But, rest assured, not the only thing.  In a lot of ways I've always sort of danced to my own beat.  But in a lot of other ways I feel paralyzed by expectations and disappointments I imagine.  I know I think too much and sometimes that's a problem.  So, even if it may be imperceptible to anyone but me I'm working on giving myself permission to let things go and do what I want.

I don't really have a huge point to this post.  It's just been thoughts rolling around in my head and I need to get them out.  Which is part of why I blog.  It's sometimes a journal for me cuz I can type faster than I can write!

I will hopefully have pictures to share of my shawl that I finally finished this week! eeeeee! and I'm back to sock knitting which is nice.  It's definitely Fall here.  Which makes me want to stitch all the cozy things.  Like this morning was foggy, 39 degrees and ended up 68 and sunny!  That's typical here and I admit I love it!

first bit of Fall

Since I got that dresser set up in the spare room I've been determined to get the room put together into a functional guest room.  I went through the rest of the boxes and sorted out stuff I no longer use.  And I found this little llama!!!!  I love this llama.  Love.it.  It was a gift from Scott.  I have no idea where he came up with it...but he knew how much I've always loved llamas and that it would make me smile :)  I thought it had gotten lost or tossed somewhere along the say and a few months ago I looked high and low for it but didn't find it.  I had tucked it into a box with picture frames!  It is now perched atop the dresser.  Months had sort of munched it's fleece and yarn poms.  I am thinking maybe I'll make some new little poms to dress it up?

I just have to share this picture of my Rocky dog.  This is his thing, he eats laying down.  He does drink standing up, apparently eating, though, is too exhausting!

I've been picking the pears from the tree in the back corner of the yard.  They are small, relatively pest free fruit!  I just get the ones I can reach on the low branches.  The ones up high are pretty big!  It's been a treat.

All weekend I've been super lazy.  Kind of.  Like I've done the laundry and things around the house that need done but not the organizing I had planned in the craft house.  Instead I distracted myself with stitching!  I honestly don't know the last time I cross stitched on my Story time Sampler.  But, I'm now 4 months behind on the frames.  

I got stuck on the Peter Pan month, which was June's frame.  I really liked the frame except it didn't have Tinkerbell!  So I was waiting to see what the other people stitching came up with.  The cool thing about Instagram is that you can #(hashtag) your pictures and they go into a pool of similar pictures from other people.  So there's a pool for story time sampler stitchers and usually there are lots of cool modifications where I can get ideas.  This time there were maybe 3-4 Tinks.  So I got stuck.  But, I've come up with a plan to modify the pattern so was inspired again.  Plus, I need a break from knitting.

This week we've had a definite dip in temps - 40 in the morning and maybe 60-ish in the afternoon.  The air has a brisk, icy chill to it.  So I put the first flannel backed quilt on my bed today.  My lightweight summer quilt is just not warm enough at night.  This is the first time I've used this quilt!

I hope you all have a great week!

dresser rearranging

Ok so here are a couple of the finds from last weekend's visit to Chico.  First up is this dresser.  Mom and I had drive up to Paradise and were on our way  to lunch when we both spotted this at a yard sale.  I quickly stopped and ran over.  I hesitated because I really don't have anywhere to put it but it's in great shape and was a good deal.  So, home with me it came.

I set it up first in the kitchen without the mirror.  I've seen some really cute coffee stations around online so thought I'd give it a try.  

I added a little organizer shelf and set out my teas.

This next set of pictures is the next bargain I found.  It was a set of Vera napkins.  The edges are horribly tattered but the design is still vibrant and stain free.  I think there are 6 (?) that were marked $4 I think.  Instantly I thought I could cut them up and make zipper pouches since I really don't use linen napkins anyway but I love me some Vera!!!  

Saturday I had a little time so I chopped one napkin up and sewed this little notions pouch.  I've been thinking for-ever that I need an itty bitty pouch for stitch markers and my tiny snips.  Et voila!  It turned out really well, and I saved her signature there at the bottom edge :)

Yesterday was a full day.  I had the annual company picnic in the afternoon and then live music and dinner with friends at Lake of the Woods which is about a 40 minute drive.  

So today I was pretty pooped but also determined to get stuff done around the house.  I put a soup together in the crock pot.  Laundry started.  Talked to Mom :) and then tackled the spare oom.  I kind of just shuffled things around a little bit.  I scooched over one of the bookshelves and put the desk in between in front of the window.

Then I moved the dresser into the room where the desk was and put the mirror back on it.  I rather like it!  I'm thinking now I'd like to make more table runners that sort of match the feel in this room now - maybe vintage sheets?  yes!

You can sort of see the headboard in the mirror.  I'd like to find a frame and get a bed to set that up and have a functional spare oom!  Then I can have proper visitors!  

In other, non furniture news, I am so close to finishing the Thunderstorm MKAL!  I am on the final 2 clues which look shorter than the last clue so I think I'm almost done.  Also, I did sew up another Dottie Angel frock.  Buuuuut, it's kind of huge around the neck/shoulder area so I'm not calling it a win just yet.  I'm going to have to think up some way to cinch it a little without causing too many puckers or excess gathering.

sewing and knitting and cleaning

This has been the first weekend in a few that I didn't have to be anywhere, work, travel or see anyone, really.  I have to say I got a lot done!  Yesterday I cleaned a ton.  When I'm busy or not home I tend to make little piles of clutter all over, which makes my anxiety level rise.  So, I dealt with a lot of that and laundry!  Remember the rummage sale that we did a couple weekends ago?  Well, I scored this bookshelf from that!  It had been sitting in my living room since the rummage sale!  

So, I lugged it out to the craft house and started putting all my yarn on it.  I've decided that I need a rectangular baskets to put some of the yarn in and one to put my project bags in.  The next shelf may be books.  Honestly I haven't decided if I want to break up my crafting books yet or keep them on the bookshelf they currently live on.

While in Chico last weekend for the reunion, Mom and I made time to pop into the fabric store.  And, it did not disappoint!  This time going in there I knew what they had and delighted by their new stuff.  So, I picked up a few cuts that I wished I had last time including getting more of a couple that I did.

Also!  Not sure you can make out the little scissors on top there.  But, I've seen those style scissors in a few yarn and quilt shops and never bought any.  But tiny scissors are so handy in project bags!  But seriously, those llamas are killing me! killing.  

Aaaaand this little gem.  Alllll over Instagram these dresses with the pockets started popping up.  I figured it was some trendy indie pattern that you had to download and pay beaucoup dollars for.  I was wrong!  I think possibly it started as an indie pattern but the designer sold it or collaborated with Simplicity to make it retail!  Yes!  Finally!  I knew once I saw it was an accessible pattern that I had to have it.  Drove right over to Joann's and it was the very last one!  

Now, usually I'll wait until one of their sales when patterns are $1 - 1.50each but no!  I bought it right then and there.  Still, it was 40% off so like $10!  I was happy as a clam.

Here's the worst picture in the world to show you the finished object:

So.  I didn't add the pockets cuz let's face it I'm a big girl and don't need more attention at my hips! ha.  The top solid fabric is actually an eyelet fabric I've had in my stash for years.  So I just will wear a black slip dress underneath.  The bottom is black with teeny white polka dots and daisies.  I added the white lace which originally I was on the fence about but I think it's gonna stay.

Let's talk about construction.  I had read a few people's comments about it being time consuming because of the binding covered seams and whatnot.  Here's the thing: I've been sewing a looooong time so I don't follow directions.  I use the pattern to get the shape and then I do what I need to do.  So, I only put in one dart in the front to secure the tie and I eyeballed it to where it would be flattering under my girls.  I just hemmed along the neckline and armholes instead of making binding.  Perhaps if I were using a more fray-able fabric I would do that.  But I didn't.  And it's fine.

I think this will be a staple pattern for me just like an A-line skirt and the Esme top.  I have plans to make the tunic version and a solid fabric version.  Maybe with elastic casing in the center front and back for shaping?  endless possibilities.

And, here's my knitty update: The thunderstorm MKAL.  I'm currently on clue 5 which is "downpour" and I'm about 1/2way through that clue.  I really really love this yarn!  It's actually two skeins that I am alternating.  One has the green and one is just pink and plum but they blend really well.  love!

lotsa thoughtsa

I have so many thoughts tumbling around my head right now.  This past Saturday was my 20 year class reunion.  My sister in law left the same day.  Visited with my Mom.  A friend (?) asked horribly personal hurtful questions.  New computer system started yesterday at the office.  Bible study ended.  My house is a giant, cluttery, messy, mess.

I feel like a sponge that can't absorb any more.

So.  Reunion: holy crazy cow.  I guess I just live in my world that is quiet and naive.  I don't drink.  I don't smoke.  I definitely don't do drugs.  The reunion was a cacophony of all those things mixed with music, food, nerves and friends.  Just a lot.  I was happily surprised that I had a good time.  I only cried once.  Only tried to escape a couple times, hahahaha.  Missing Scott is always in my head, in my heart.  I wanted him by my side so badly!  I wished if he wasn't that I could say he was working or couldn't make it for some reasonable excuse - anything other than having to say that my husband died a little over 2 years ago.

Here's a couple pics of two friends I hadn't seen for years!

Top photo is my friend Michalyn (Mikie) and me.  We were super close all through Junior high and high school.

Next photo is my friend Matt and me.  I have known Matt since elementary school!  This picture cracks me up because for some reason I didn't put my water glass down?! hahaha 

So one of my 3 sisters in law was visiting for a bit and it was so, so nice.  We had a fun time together.  Scott was the oldest so I've known her since she was 8 or 9 and she is 27 now.  So many shared memories, experiences and comfort.  We could talk about our lives with no explanations, no judgement.  We really packed a lot into the weeks she was here and it was perfect. She is one of Scott's sisters so being able to talk about him was a relief.  Someone who not just knew him but loves him. Also!  We both love the Anne of Green Gables movies.  So cool.

In the midst of processing all these things going on I had a conversation with a friend that I wish had gone so differently.  One thing I've learned in this widowed journey I'm on is that people don't think before they talk.  They ask horridly inappropriate questions with no thought to my feelings.  Like, how was our marriage, what was going on when he died, did he ever cheat on me, why didn't we have kids, why don't I have kids on my own since we had wanted them.  I felt like I had been attacked.  I did not have the wherewithal to say what I should have which is none of those things is anyone's business and if I want to tell anyone anything then I will be the one to say it.  I tried to deflect and keep it light because for crap's sake I was still trying to be NICE!

So.  That's how my weekend went.  And the office is a little chaotic with the new computer system but it's not as bad as it could be.  I am very much looking forward to the weekend where I have nothing planned!  ha!  I am looking forward to putting my house back together and sewing, knitting, stitching.

Oh!  Something cool!  To end on a good note :) My bible study and I organized a rummage sale that raised almost $2000 that we donated to Teen Parent Life which is an organization through Youth for Christ.  It was hard work but so worth it.

oh the busyness

Ok warning! Lots of pictures coming up!  The last couple weeks have been busy, busy!  My sister in law Lacey has been visiting for the last couple weeks and we have done so much!  Which explains why I haven't been as present here on the blog.  Lots of fun and good stuff though so I know you understand.

Last week, Thursday, we went to see one of my favorite bands, Needtobreathe at the Britt in Jacksonville.  It was so, so, so good!  So GOOD.  The drive over was nice, beautiful weather and we shared licorice.  We got pizza on the way because you can take food into the Britt.  We sat on the grassy hill on a blanket, very relaxing and the music was amaze-balls!

 Here's a during concert picture.  Not the best quality but oh well, we had fun!

Saturday I worked all day and then Sunday did a baby shower for a coworker.  She is expecting a little girl.  I enjoy making decorations for baby showers.  So, here are a few of the highlights.

The shower was at a local park in a covered area with picnic benches.  So I picked one bench to be the check in spot where people could write their addresses on envelopes that will be used to send out a thank you card.  It's a good way to make sure no one gets missed!

There were poles in that we used to put up cute banners.  Danielle from the office made this one in the middle with baby clothes that were part of her gift.  She used clothes pins to put them up.  One either side of that we put up the banners I had made which were these cute elephants and tissue paper tassels.  You can't see so well but there are two shades of pink, white and silver metallic tassels.  Lacey helped me make those and I really like how they turned out.  It was super windy that day so they really blew around!

In other news, I have been making progress on my Thunderstorm MKAL!  This is a spoiler so if by chance you are also working on it don't look at this last picture!  I think chances are good though no one reading this is actually doing this pattern tee hee!  Let's see, I think I am on clue 3 in this picture? 

I finished the eyelets this week which is the Ribbons phase called raindrops.  I have also finished clue 4 which was super short and about to start clue 5 which is a large section called "downpour".  This yarn just makes me so happy.  There are two skeins that are actually different colorways.  I really loved the one with the green but the store only had one skein!  The second one is a mix of the pinks and plum but are meshing well.  I have started to kind of stripe it so that it blends.

Today Lacey and I are going to head up to Crater Lake, it's a beautiful sunny day so should be nice!  Hope you are all having a great weekend!  Next weekend is my 20 year high school reunion so I may not be updating again till after that! Wish me luck!!!! Yikes, I am so nervous!

bright hot

Last weekend I was out of town visiting my Mom.  It was......so nice, super hot, and really what I needed.  I could have done without the heat!  I left my house at 75 degrees mid morning and went down to Chico to upper 90's on Friday and 104 on Saturday!  Yikes.  To say I was melting is an understatement.  whew

But!  visiting with Mom was perfect.  Reminiscing and learning about her, quilt talk, garden talk.  All kinds of chatting and laughing.  I'm at a point in my life that I enjoy my Mom.  Yes, we drive each other a little crazy sometimes! but mostly she's pretty cool.  So, spending the weekend chilling at her house was just nice.

We did attempt shopping.  But seriously it was so hot.  One place that I really wanted to check out was the yarn store.  There is a really great yarn store there called Heartstrings.  I had printed out the pattern for the Thunderstorm Mystery Knit A Long and was looking for yarn for that.  It's my first shawl and MKAL!  I may have picked yarn that is not exactly perfect, but I really love the colors.  They are super duper bright.

I think that's all for now.  Sorry for such a short update.  I'm in a bit of a funk so not really chatty I think.  Everything is mostly fine, no worries.