Sunday, April 26, 2015

mellow weekend

Friday was Danielle in x-ray's last day.  She got her dream job in Portland  attacked by a velociraptor at the office.  LOL! 
I am really happy for her new opportunity but also sad to see her go.  She really helped a lot at the office and also has been a friend.  But!  I am more happy for her.  So, we had a little farewell dinner party Thursday, which was nice.  
This weekend was the scrapbook retreat.  It's twice a year but I haven't really gone in awhile and thought I'd go up for the day.  I know the camp caretaker and he said I should bring Rocky!  So, I did.  He did soooooo well. He was a perfect gentleman, mostly just chilled out as you see him here.  He did timidly go around to all the ladies to say hello and get head pets.  He was definitely ready to go by 9pm and I pushed it a bit because I really wanted to finish the April frame for the stitch along.
The lighting was really good in the lodge so I did a lot of stitching.  I didn't knit too much, just a few rounds.  I put in a progress marker at the beginning of the week so I could see how far I'd gotten.  I've only knit on breaks at work and then yesterday, and got about 1.5 inches all together.  
I also made a few goals in my smash book.  I am on ravelry and have a projects page there but I also wanted somewhere to make personal notes.  It's been good to write in each knitting project, when it was started, finished and notes along the way.  One gripe I have though is that locally I haven't found any knitting embellishments!  I'd like stickers or something to add in.  I found one at Michael's but it was in a set of "grandma" themed stickers.  So I have a feeling I need to do an online search.  Meh.

I have to say it was really nice to see the ladies I used to scrapbook regularly with.  My friend Connie also quilts so I also enjoy chatting about quilting with her.  It's lovely when you can chat about things in person with someone who gets what you're talking about!  That's part of why I started this blog, to connect with others doing similar crafts and things.  It's also sort of a journal.  But!  having someone in person to bounce ideas, excitement, patterns, color choices - all that - is so important.  Connie and I are also cooking up an idea to have a sewing/quilting retreat at the same campground.  She discussed it with the caretakers yesterday and they said it sounded cool!  We'd need to keep it kind of small but the space would be perfect.  Plus, someone cooking for us is pretty great! bahaha

Today Rocky, George and I are just chilling out.  It's a nice, warmish day so I have the back door open for Rocky to have some freedom and let in the bird chirping sounds.  

Sunday, April 19, 2015

tulips! and a car quilt

This weekend has been so beautiful!!  So warm, sunny, Springy.  And my tulips bloomed this week!  They had started to be buds and then it snowed at the beginning of April so I was worried, but they're here!  I just love tulips.

So Friday I had to take a mental health day from work.  Anxiety, headache, nausea and emotion.  So I took a 1/2 day and felt so much better.  I went out to the craft house and did some therapy sewing.  Rocky snoozed in the sun in the grass.  It was exactly what I needed to do.
I know I mentioned that I was in a car accident at the beginning of February and the insurance totaled my car.  So, I chose to turn in my car and find something "new".  I know I go on about how different things are now by myself since Scott died.  But, seriously!  Things are overwhelming.  I am learning to do things by myself for the first time.  Scott took care of so many things before!  Like buying a car.    He did everything and I just signed.  

Two weeks ago I bought a new to me car - by myself!  Yikes.  The insurance company picked up my old car this week so it became like a real thing.  I crack myself up!  Here I had this new car and was treating it like a stranger.  I thought, "I need to make this mine." So I made a quilt for the back seat :) *grin*!

Right?  Oh yeah.  I picked out all my very favorite fabrics right now and cut 12.5" squares, sewed them all together.  I found a floral backing fabric in my stash that was just big enough.  I had pieces of batting leftover from other quilts that I frankensteined together.  And, I pieced together leftover pieces of binding!  I've been wanting to try that for a long time so was pleased to be able to.
I like to stipple a heart in a corner of my quilts.  Because it makes me happy.

It's super bright out today so some of the colors got a little washed out.  I just have it draped for now and will be adding fasteners to the top that will go around the two head rests to secure it.

Now it feels like "me".  And it's washable so I won't worry about Rocky's little short hairs getting all over.  I mean, they probably still will, but better.

p.s. I did make some sock progress this week!  I made a conscious effort to knit more, at home and on breaks at the office.  Maybe by next weekend I'll be to the heels!  Maybe I'll put a progress marker in so I can tell?  yes!

Sunday, April 12, 2015

fat camp and wips

So there's a wellness incentive program from the hospital I work for that we've been calling "fat camp".  Fat camp started this week for me.  We did a series of screening labs and entered in body measurements and answered health and lifestyle questions.  Then were sorted into two groups, green (fatties) and blue.  The green group, if they choose to, can participate in the program.  It's funny because my labs are better than my super svelte friends!  But, alas, my girth has landed me in the green (fatty) group.

The first appointment was with the doctor, going over health history.  Very easy for me as I really am healthy.  Second appointment was yesterday with the therapist.  That one was also easy for me because I know a lot of the whys of my obesity.  I know when I started gaining and I know why.  I've gained 40 lbs since Scott died.  I was overweight before that and now it's just too much.  So, I feel like I'm a pretty straightforward person, right?  It's really about motivation for me - I know what to do, its just the actual doing of it.

I really liked this therapist.  I feel like she 'got' me.  So, the homework she gave me makes total sense and is also really hard for me.  She said she wants me to work on my negative self talk.  Start to be aware of it and why and reprogram.  Huh.  Yep.

It's one of those things that I've heard before but maybe it wasn't the right time for me to really hear it.  I have noticed that I am pretty hard on myself. And my first reaction to difficult things is 'nope I can't do that' or 'I can't afford that'.  And, then lo and behold, I do figure things out.  On some things I see other people do things and think I can do that and then become determined to do whatever it is.  Like quilting or knitting two socks on one needle.

So we'll see what happens.  I'm pretty excited, actually, to have the help.

In other news, I've finished the March frame for the year long stitch along from The Frosted Pumpkin Stitchery .  It's Sherlock Holmes!  Which you know I love so I really took my time adding in extras that I felt reflected the stories, and the newer UK version of Sherlock.  There's an instagram community that has been super fun!  People have been adding their pictures to the pool with the hashtag #storytimesampler and I've gotten great ideas from there.  There are so many clever and talented stitchers out there!

 This week I'm going to try and knit a little more than I have been.  I've been knitting on breaks at work but that's pretty much it!  Here's an update of where I am currently:
I really like the stripes!  

Sunday, April 5, 2015

it's only a bit of rain

Another almost sleepless night.  I had a king sized bed in the room but somehow Rocky had me all the way to the edge.  And so many thoughts.  I did get a bit more sleep than the night before so that was good.  I woke up hearing water sounds on the road.  The weather actually did what was forecast!  Rain and blustery.

That didn't stop me, though.  Trinidad is like an hour away from where I was staying so I thought maybe it wouldn't be raining there.  I stopped at Starbuck's and ordered a butterbeer latte from their secret menu that one of the barristas knew how to make.  It was soooooo good.  You need to try it.  If they don't know what it is I've linked the recipe.  Because it's seriously delish.
On Hwy 101 there is this house.  In my head I call it the Fairy Tale House.  Sometimes it's Hansel and Gretel who live in it, sometimes Snow White.  All I know for sure is that it emerges from the forest like a dream in it's own little meadow.  And I love it.

It was still pouring rain in Trinidad.  So, I drove around the teensy town, thinking I could wait it out.  Because I'm so patient.  

Except I'm not patient.  But I do have a raincoat.  And Rocky loves the beach so I went for it.  I'm so glad I did.  We had the beach to ourselves.  Which was perfect, because the tears that were stuck yesterday came down with the rain.  And I yelled out at Scott how much I love him and miss him.  It didn't feel good exactly, but it needed to come out.  And then I quickly looked around to make sure we were truly alone.  

 We had a bit of sun and I was hopeful it would stay....I started thinking, see! all I needed to do was wait that rain out.  Then, Rocky and I got soaked while I was pre-occupied looking for agates.  And then these dark clouds started coming in.  It started to pour again and Rocky gave me this look like I'm over it.
And now I'm home.  I really hope I can sleep tonight.

Saturday, April 4, 2015


So here I am at year 2. Last year on this day I knew I could not stay home and had to venture to the beach where we scattered part of his ashes.  This year was the same.  I didn't even consider any other option.  And, really, it was exactly the right place to be for me. 

I hardly slept last night.  Partly being away from home and partly anticipating today and not sure how I would be feeling.  At around 5 am I finally fell asleep for a solid 2 hours.   I was super sluggish getting going, no motivation.  My need for caffeine was the driving force to get out of the hotel room.   Remembering how much Scott loved being on the coast, loved camping in the Emerald Forest campground, loved fishing, loved the green, loved the beach, loved looking for agates, loved me and introduced it to me.

The thing is, I miss him every day.  There is not anywhere I go that somehow doesn't remind me of him.  He is forever in my heart and today is no different.  My heart has broken so many times in so many ways that today I just felt numb.  It's like when you stand out in the cold and get so used to it you almost don't feel it anymore.  Almost. 

It was an absolutely beautiful day at the beach.  The waves were huge.  Rocky absolutely LOVED the beach and that was really the best distraction I could have.  It made it easy for me to focus on him and not why we were there.

 Here's the best "delfie" I could get - dog/selfie.  Every cute thing that Rocky did I would think how much Scott would have enjoyed watching him discover the beach for the first time.  And then I thought since part of Scott's ashes are there maybe a part of him does see us?  I don't know.

Here are the elk just outside of Dry Lagoon.  So cool!
I had planned to stay at Dry Lagoon until sunset, but while I was walking Rocky I saw some punks over by where I had my blanket and jacket so I started moving that way - and sure enough the jacket I just bought last night had been stolen!  You know what?  People suck sometimes.  My bad for leaving it under the blanket though.  Dumb.  

But Rocky was absolutely pooped.  Every time I'd stop walking he'd lay down.  We will both be sore tomorrow!

Once back in Crescent City, I stopped to take in this gorgeous sunset.  Really, it was the best it could be today.  I was at one of his most favorite places, which has also become mine.  I remembered his sweetness, his love, his life.