4-4-15

So here I am at year 2. Last year on this day I knew I could not stay home and had to venture to the beach where we scattered part of his ashes.  This year was the same.  I didn't even consider any other option.  And, really, it was exactly the right place to be for me. 

I hardly slept last night.  Partly being away from home and partly anticipating today and not sure how I would be feeling.  At around 5 am I finally fell asleep for a solid 2 hours.   I was super sluggish getting going, no motivation.  My need for caffeine was the driving force to get out of the hotel room.   Remembering how much Scott loved being on the coast, loved camping in the Emerald Forest campground, loved fishing, loved the green, loved the beach, loved looking for agates, loved me and introduced it to me.

The thing is, I miss him every day.  There is not anywhere I go that somehow doesn't remind me of him.  He is forever in my heart and today is no different.  My heart has broken so many times in so many ways that today I just felt numb.  It's like when you stand out in the cold and get so used to it you almost don't feel it anymore.  Almost. 

 

It was an absolutely beautiful day at the beach.  The waves were huge.  Rocky absolutely LOVED the beach and that was really the best distraction I could have.  It made it easy for me to focus on him and not why we were there.

 Here's the best "delfie" I could get - dog/selfie.  Every cute thing that Rocky did I would think how much Scott would have enjoyed watching him discover the beach for the first time.  And then I thought since part of Scott's ashes are there maybe a part of him does see us?  I don't know.

Here are the elk just outside of Dry Lagoon.  So cool!

I had planned to stay at Dry Lagoon until sunset, but while I was walking Rocky I saw some punks over by where I had my blanket and jacket so I started moving that way - and sure enough the jacket I just bought last night had been stolen!  You know what?  People suck sometimes.  My bad for leaving it under the blanket though.  Dumb.  

But Rocky was absolutely pooped.  Every time I'd stop walking he'd lay down.  We will both be sore tomorrow!

Once back in Crescent City, I stopped to take in this gorgeous sunset.  Really, it was the best it could be today.  I was at one of his most favorite places, which has also become mine.  I remembered his sweetness, his love, his life.