Friday, September 18, 2015


I think I'm at the age of mid life crisis - or almost.  With most things in life, you have to experience something to understand.  Like, I never understood the things people would do like buy a sports car or get a divorce and seek a younger fling or whatever people do.  But!  I imagine that I may have a little perspective lately.  I feel like I'm feeling my age.  Sometimes.  Most of the time I go through feeling the same way I did at 17! ha.  and I'm surprised a lot of the time that I'm almost 40.  yikes!

But lately I'm feeling life slip away...and realizing that if I'm lucky enough to live to 78 years old then I am middle age!  So, it's like an urge to take stock and think of what I want and catalogue what is and what isn't.  Does that make sense?

So in the midst of these ponderings I've realized that in a lot of ways I don't do things that I want to do.

One biggie is that I've let myself get caught up with what other people think I should do.  Example: I know I need to work out.  I want to work out.  Well meaning friends say I should get up early and go to a certain class at 5:30am.  AM!  as in early morning.  It's just not going to happen.  At all.  Ever.  And then I feel guilty.  I feel like not only have I let them down (?) I've also let myself down.  I don't know why I do that.  I don't know why I care?  But, here's the result - I don't do anything then because I feel like I blew it!

That's just one example.  But, rest assured, not the only thing.  In a lot of ways I've always sort of danced to my own beat.  But in a lot of other ways I feel paralyzed by expectations and disappointments I imagine.  I know I think too much and sometimes that's a problem.  So, even if it may be imperceptible to anyone but me I'm working on giving myself permission to let things go and do what I want.

I don't really have a huge point to this post.  It's just been thoughts rolling around in my head and I need to get them out.  Which is part of why I blog.  It's sometimes a journal for me cuz I can type faster than I can write!

I will hopefully have pictures to share of my shawl that I finally finished this week! eeeeee! and I'm back to sock knitting which is nice.  It's definitely Fall here.  Which makes me want to stitch all the cozy things.  Like this morning was foggy, 39 degrees and ended up 68 and sunny!  That's typical here and I admit I love it!

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