I've started this post a few times and stopped every time. I have so much to say. I don't know how to put my feelings into words right now. So, how about a bare bones fact post? Maybe if I just start writing the words will come.
Friday was the year mark of Scott's passing. His one year Angelversary. 4-4-14. One year ago that day I got the worst news of my life so far. I am part of a couple widows groups online and there are lots of different ways that people commemorate the day that their loved one passed. It is certainly not a day I could ever forget. The only thing I could think of was going to the beach where we scattered his ashes. His favorite place, which has now become one of mine.
The drive over goes right past the cemetery where the other half of his ashes are buried. I drove over Thursday night and made a stop a the cemetery and put the yellow flowers on his grave. It was raining and dark so I didn't stay long. It was actually snowy over the pass! But the road wasn't bad at all so no worries.I got into Crescent City late, like midnight. All part of my plan though because I wanted to be able to wake up and just drive to the beach. I woke up Friday and had to remind myself why I was there, that he's gone. It's really real. A year. The entire drive over I tormented myself with what ifs and wishing for signs of things I'll never get. Confirmations I'll never have. Torment. You want to know what hell is? Letting your mind go "there" to your worst thoughts, fears, anxiety and not stopping it. But, as with life, I kept driving. Went through the motions, slept. Woke up to a new day. And what a day it was.
I got some coffee and started making my way down Highway 101 to Trinidad. It was soSOso perfect! Massive redwood trees flank the highway with exuberant green bushes, trees, ferns LIFE all around. Peppered with breathtaking views of the ocean. I was blessed with sunny blue skies so the ocean was beautiful blue, the exact color of Scott's eyes.
Normally at Dry Lagoon we would agate hunt. But, the tide was definitely high! So, see these rocks here? In between them is where we would be agate hunting. Yep, it's all waves. But still, beautiful.
Here's something I do A LOT. I make up scenarios in my head about situations. It could be anything. And I picture how I think it's going to go. And most of the time I'm wrong! Here's one of those instances. I thought it would be nice to tie some flowers to some driftwood and float it out to sea. So I did. I tied it with wool so it would be biodegradable.
All in all, for what the day was, his angelversary, it was as perfect as it could have been. Perfect would have been seeing him walk up, the sun behind him, his easy smile and laugh. And hunting agates together, being competitive of who was finding the biggest, or the most. Perfect would be knowing he was somewhere in the world, alive and happy.