withdrawal

So it's a new year, I'm sure you've noticed too.  All around me there are resolutions being made. People are making goals. Making resolutions. Making plans. Making dreams. Making....

And I....am not.  Not really.  I have always tended to fail at the resolutions I've made.  I've had too much disappointment leftover from last year to make any plans, goals, resolutions or dreams that might possibly fail.  This is the first year that I have lived and my husband has not and to me that is scary and overwhelming and so my first response is to shut down a bit.  I feel disoriented without him, like I don't know what I'm doing anymore.  Besides my Mom he was my biggest fan, always cheering me on.  When I'd fail he was always there to tell me I could do it again, or give me some of his strength and courage to try something new.  So, now what?

I don't have new dreams yet.  And in a way I don't want them. Not now. Not yet. It's too soon.  Someday, like Spring, I know they will come.

I will do what I know I can do.  I will sew and quilt.  I will knit and possibly crochet.  I will love my dogs, my family and my friends. I am enormously thankful for what I have and I am going to just rest in that.  I'm glad it's Winter so I don't have to feel guilty about withdrawing inside for this season.