Monday, January 11, 2016

visitation tangent

I had a dream with my husband Scott this morning.  It was so vivid, so entirely real.  We were somewhere and I had cut my hand and needed just a little band aid.  And he was holding my hand and when I looked down he had put this GIANT turquoise band aid on that completely covered my hand, and then dabbed the little one on top.  And we were cracking up, just giggling and being silly....then my alarm went off! And I was jarred back to reality.  So confusing.

I love having dreams with him in them.  But, because my dreams have always been so real, they are oftentimes confusing when I wake up.  I am simultaneously comforted by his apparent presence and then shaken up by reality.

There are some people that believe that these are visitations.  That Scott's spirit really does visit me in my dreams.  I can discern a difference between the ones that feel like he's really with me and the ones where I'm searching for him or he's just a representation of an issue.  But I don't know if I believe his spirit is here.  I mostly believe he's in heaven and has no contact with earthly issues.  I think watching loved ones suffer, the sadness, frustrations of life, pain - watching all that and being helpless to comfort or intervene might be a sort of hell.  Also, being around loved ones and not being able to laugh, love, interact with them would not be fun.

Anyway!  Tangent.  If spirits do roam around and their way to make contact is dream form then that was totally Scott.  He was a comforter.  He was the funniest person I've ever known.  He always knew how to ease my moods, make me laugh, calm me down.  I needed that today for sure.  Of course, then the rest of the day feels a bit off kilter - wishing I could stay in my dream next to him.  Reality of life, going to work, making real life decisions that are stressful and cause fear.

Oh man, fear.  Not my favorite thing.  I'm full of fear lately.  Well, I alternate between fear and hope, excitement and trepidation.  But!  It will all work out, God willing it always does.

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