I'm not sure how or when it started, but I don't get excited about things. I do and I don't. Big things I don't until it's a concrete, for sure, actual thing. I know it throws a lot of people off. Things that other people get excited about I suppress until it is happening.
Recently I had something come up that I suppressed my excitement about in my usual manner. But it wormed it's way into my mind. I started planning for it. Hoping for it. Picturing things. Then it didn't happen.
Which is why, precisely, that I don't get excited! So then what do you do? Can you dial it back down? Sure, there are other things, opportunities....but then the comparison happens. And nothing else quite satisfies. Then I think why did I even ever think I could do/have that thing? What if it wasn't meant to be anyway?
Constantly putting a damper on myself sometimes is tiresome. But so is disappointment. December is a hard month for me so I need to be gentle. I am having more days that I don't want to get out of bed. I have to drag myself. I do it, I do what is necessary to survive, buy food and shelter. Work is a good distraction, it is always busy - keeps my mind busy and the days go fast. I am so thankful for my job and the people I work with.
I don't really have a point to this post. I'm not ready to put it out there what has been going on. It's nothing relationship related, there is no love life. Just in case anyone may wonder in that direction. Ha! I can't even imagine....