Sunday, November 24, 2013

ouch, man, ouch

This has been a painful, terrible night.  I was completely caught off guard by a message from someone accusing me of something I would not do, had no knowledge of, and have been called evil.  And a bunch of other awful things. To which I responded in the best way that I could that I did not know what they were talking about and that it was further than the truth than they could imagine.  Not exact words but you get the picture. To which they responded with more venom.  Less hate but still awful words to read. Words that are now burned into my head.  Initial response was complete shock.  Then wanting to clear my name. Then realized I couldn't if I tried and would just dig deeper and find out more I didn't want to know. Don't want to know. Crying, lots of crying.  If they wanted to hurt me with their words then they did it. Success! 

And for what?  Why kick a grieving person while they're down?  I don't know.  I don't want to know.  So, what do I do now?  I've already tried to explain my side to no avail.  I won't keep trying and I won't keep getting words thrown at me that are not true or are just plain hurtful.  I'm sorry you feel that way but it's just not true. So, what do I do?  I'll tell you what - I'm going to pray for you!  I am too tired, too full of grief to fight.  I know you are in pain too and I have nothing to offer for comfort. Except the God of the universe who loves you!  Take that! baha. I'm not going to pretend that your words did not hurt me, because they did.  They found their mark. But.

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21

I will not continue to "eat" death. I can't. 

"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" Matthew 5:44

I will pray for you because God's grace is for everyone, not just me.  I can't do it by myself, God gives me the strength to.  I'll end with this doozy:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32.

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