knitty cowl

Okay I have like 2 minutes to update! I finished the infinity scarf/cowl for Jan last night.  All I really had left was to weave in ends so no biggie.  So, a few months ago I started noticing on Pinterest that Jan was pinning pictures of chunky scarflike things.  She even started a board of things I might like or that she could bribe me to make for her.  I got the hint! I saw this pin and it looked like one I could actually figure out.  I went to Ravelry and found a pattern and on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving cast on.  The pattern says cast on 131 but I did 153 and then only did 8 inches wide instead of 11.  Jan is super tiny so I didn't want it to swallow her whole! I'm really happy with how it turned out.

This is how it looks doubled.  It's super squishy!  It's a seed stitch, so really easy, a little teensy monotonous but easy is good!  I really hope she likes it :)

disgruntled snow day

I'm having a dilemma today, a tricksy dilemma.  Usually on Saturdays I drive over to Eagle Point to the national cemetery where I can take flowers for Scott's grave and tell him all about my week.  I knew winter was coming and eventually it would be too snowy/icy to make the trip.  This morning I woke up and it snowed even more over night but had stopped snowing.  I checked the road cams and the road was white with temps like 7.5, which means icy.  I kept checking up until about noon or so and then chickened out.  Going over wouldn't be so bad, but there's this one hill that I find intimidating coming back that is downhill.  Next Sunday is his birthday so I'll save my brave snowy driving for then.  In the meantime, here I am with all this time on my hands, and it looks like winter wonderland outside.  I know most of you might enjoy a day inside (snow day!) with nothing to do.  I have a soup in the crock pot, the dogs are super snoozy.  Perfect, yes?  Ugggggg. I think I just feel antsy because I'm out of my routine and I feel slightly panicky.  Trust me, I have lots to do!  To make!  Christmas is coming, tick tock. But I don't want to do anything that I should be doing.  So, I did put out some Christmas decor.  Here is my collection of nutcrackers (that I lurve!).

I also put out some of my light up village.  I didn't have room for all the houses.  I have some fake snow out in the craft house storage area to add.  I also put  up my Christmas wreath and runners, quilt, etc.  

It still just doesn't feel right.  Scott loved Christmastime.  I loved to start decorating the day after Thanksgiving and we'd put up a tree and decorate it and put lights around the windows and have Christmas music playing, hot chocolate.  I debated putting anything up but I think I'll be glad I did.  Just not today.  So, I'm working up to going out to the craft house to try and redeem this day a little bit.  I am drinking some yummy Prince of Wales tea in my real English tea cup that my mother in law brought back for me a few years ago.  I put honey and milk in it and it's yummy.

I'll end on a good note: did I tell you I finally figured out my ipod??? If I did, humor me, cuz I'm so glad I did!  Scott bought me an ipod a few years ago and I put a couple cds on it and was happy with it just like that.  But, my friend had put the cds on it for me and I've been wanting to update.  I have an itunes account and couldn't figure it out!  Good thing for google.  It turned out it was synced with my friends itunes, not mine!  Tee hee.  I've been having fun adding songs and setting up playlists.  I've gotten emails with free downloads from klove for years and never used them so now it's cool that I can get a new mix.

Alright! I've got some pouches to make!

first snow

We had our first snow today.  When I went out to start my car this morning it was spitting little ice chunks, which usually means it's not serious about snowing.  But 15 minutes later when I left for work it was for reals snowing!  And it snowed allllll day. There were  a bunch of accidents, 29 reported, last I heard.  We lost power at work because someone ran into a power pole and power was shut off to our grid to fix the pole.  The good news is that it's actually warmer! Yesterday at 7 am it was 3 degrees, and this morning at the same time it was 22 degrees.   When I got home I snapped this picture super quick while letting the boys out:

I have a bunch of projects that I must, absolutely must, work on this weekend!  So I let the boys run around - Joey loves the snow! and then I went to Joann's to get zippers and more interfacing.  Also I had bought the wrong thickness of yarn to finish up Jan's infinity scarf.  So, you can see from the picture that the snow was pretty deep.  I wore the absolute wrong shoes for snow today so I was dreading coming home and getting snow in my shoes.  BUT!  Oh man.  My neighbors had shoveled my parking spot, the sidewalk and my walkway and steps!!!!!  I was blown away by the kindness! And promptly started to cry.  Seriously though, how awesome was that?!

Um.  Okay.  Not sure if I mentioned that Joey is an allergy dog.  He must take after me ;)  His ears always bugged him and that's what lead to the hematoma from him shaking his large floppy ears.  I've changed his food to hypoallergenic (super expensive!) and he gets a vitamin supplement.  Also did some allergy testing that is still awaiting results.  His ears are doing so, so much better after almost a month on the new food.  No itching, no gunkiness, no flapping ears.  Maybe he flaps once or twice a day, which really I think is probably normal.  But now his poor paws are suffering.  He has been chewing, licking nonstop.  I finally got a good look at them and there are blisters between his pads! Poor guy!  I picked up some steroid/antibiotic salve from the vet tonight and put it on his paws.  All this long story to lead up to this picture:

I've had this old pair of socks in my drawer and thought several times I should get rid of them (they actually have holes) but never did because I love them! And now, they have a new life!  To keep Joey from getting at his paws.  It's either socks or the cone and I thought he'd like this better.  I love this picture, it really captures both of my boys as they are.  Joey, just chill, like what have you done now.  And Rocky, a whirl of energy and always so concerned about what's going on with Joey.  

Tonight I am so thankful for my warm house. And my job to provide funds to pay the bills. Thank you God!

sewing

Well, hello December.  I've been dreading your arrival.  My birthday, Scott's birthday, Christmas, our 16th anniversary and then we're on to New Year's. Harumpf.  At the beginning of every month Scott and I would say Happy _______ and try to say all the holidays in that month before the other one could.  December was the most fun because we had all our special days all in the same month.  I could always count on him calling me a cheater if I won, he'd laugh and say no no no you mispronounced birthday or something silly just so that I couldn't possibly be the winner.  We'd both be trying to talk so fast and over the other one, it was just fun.  He was a goof that way.  Oh man, and January 1st?  Look out!  We'd try to get every holiday for every month of the year out!  That one I legitimately would lose because I'd forget some obscure holiday like Groundhog day and he wouldn't forget.  Man, I miss him so much.

But! I will try not to get sucked into the vortex of sadness however easy that might be.  Scott would not have wanted that.  Instead I went to church this morning and then came home and started sewing.

So, the last zippered pouch I made was just by me trying to figure it out.  It is lined but the seams show and I just hate that.  I've been sewing so long that I can figure most things out, but some things just don't make sense to my brain right now.  I did a little google search and came across a few tutorials for lined zipper pouches and found one that was written well  and thought "ha!"  I had taken my other one into work and Charese saw it and wanted me to make her one.  But there was no way I would be giving her one with exposed seams.  I like the way these turned out.  I went with a medium weight interfacing, last time I think it was light weight.  Next time I think I'll get shorter zippers, but I just used what I had.

I LOVE that llama fabric.  Let's discuss.   Here's what happens to me.  I read blogs.  I like what goes on on other people's blogs.  I see fabric that screams "buy me!" and click whatever link there is and buy.  What happened in this situation is that I did not pay attention to what I was buying.  More specifically the quantity of what I was buying.  Ummm, I thought I was getting 1 yard of fabric for $8.50 plus S&H.  Imagine my surprise when I opened the envelope and had really bought just a fat quarter.  huh.  A tiny fraction of what I thought I was getting and all the plans I had for this fabric went out the window! It has lurked in my stash since March 2012......waiting for the perfect project.  I am so, so, SO happy I could finally use this bit of fabric :) It's going to be perfect to put some knitting in.

shopping

I made this zipper pouch on Thanksgiving to carry knitting projects in.  I'm loving it!  I started with 12 inch pieces, added the zipper, lining and interfacing to give it some structure.  I think I will make a few more so I can keep each project safe in it's own little bag! I have a bunch of whimsical fabric to choose from so they will be fun.  

Right now I have two knitting projects going.  One is an infinity scarf that Jan asked for and the other is a pair of socks.  

So! I got a new camera!  Walmart had this canon camera for a great price on Thanksgiving starting at 8pm.  Jan and I got to Walmart like 9ish and there were only 2 left! So far I'm just trying to figure it out, it's not as easy as my old camera.  I'd really rather just use my old camera that Scott gave me but I'm afraid to mail it to the repair place which is out of state.  What if it gets lost? ugggg.   Anyways, I have a trip coming up that I will absolutely need to take pictures so I had to get something.  Plus, I have these puppies that are too cute not to take pictures of!

Yesterday was Black Friday and I was up like before 5 on my own!  I thought I had set the alarm but really hadn't but it didn't matter cuz I was UP!  Didn't get much sleep honestly - I was SO cold, but also lazy and didn't want to get up and turn the heat up!  Finally I did at like 2 or 3 and got some rest.  I had staked out flannel at Joann's and they opened at 6am so I had a mission! It was dark when I got there and there was a long line waiting for the doors to open.  I was so tired and not paying attention that I went into the wrong store at first!  Sports Authority is right next door, so I got in line and followed them inside, the guy handed me a coupon and I looked at it and thought it was funny that sports authority was handing out coupons at Joann's, I thought he was trying to drum up business Baha! Got inside and it was completely the wrong store.  Walked out and the line was still there for Joann's, got in line.  Once the doors opened I made a beeline for the back of the store where the flannel was.  The flannel I was aimed for was gone, but I did find some other fun flannel for $1.74 a yard!

The next mission was for dog beds.  Ended up at Grange Co-op and they also had dog toys 5 for $10.00.  Rocky kills the squeaks so quickly that I bought 5 just for him! Joey doesn't care for toys, no interest in them.  I was done with everything by 7:15! And then I went to work, had waaaaay too much caffeine! Leftovers at Jan's for dinner and then I crashed!   I did really well on Thanksgiving, only cried once (!) but yesterday was not as good of a mood.  I blame the caffeine :)

ouch, man, ouch

This has been a painful, terrible night.  I was completely caught off guard by a message from someone accusing me of something I would not do, had no knowledge of, and have been called evil.  And a bunch of other awful things. To which I responded in the best way that I could that I did not know what they were talking about and that it was further than the truth than they could imagine.  Not exact words but you get the picture. To which they responded with more venom.  Less hate but still awful words to read. Words that are now burned into my head.  Initial response was complete shock.  Then wanting to clear my name. Then realized I couldn't if I tried and would just dig deeper and find out more I didn't want to know. Don't want to know. Crying, lots of crying.  If they wanted to hurt me with their words then they did it. Success! 

And for what?  Why kick a grieving person while they're down?  I don't know.  I don't want to know.  So, what do I do now?  I've already tried to explain my side to no avail.  I won't keep trying and I won't keep getting words thrown at me that are not true or are just plain hurtful.  I'm sorry you feel that way but it's just not true. So, what do I do?  I'll tell you what - I'm going to pray for you!  I am too tired, too full of grief to fight.  I know you are in pain too and I have nothing to offer for comfort. Except the God of the universe who loves you!  Take that! baha. I'm not going to pretend that your words did not hurt me, because they did.  They found their mark. But.


"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21


I will not continue to "eat" death. I can't. 

"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" Matthew 5:44

I will pray for you because God's grace is for everyone, not just me.  I can't do it by myself, God gives me the strength to.  I'll end with this doozy:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32.

holiday dread

The holidays are coming! The holidays are coming! I feel as though someone is shouting at me like in the Revolution when the Redcoats were coming and they needed to get ready for imminent battle.  I am not looking forward to the holidays.  I don't know what I want to do, where I want to be, who I want to be with (um, except Scott, duh) or what in the whoville is going to happen.  I feel as though I am walking on eggshells at all times, I get invites and I don't want to commit to anyone.  So then I feel like I'm hurting their feelings.  But, really, I don't know how I feel.  I don't know what will feel good on these important upcoming days.  I waffle back and forth between wanting to be around friends and family and then back to wanting to hide.  I don't want to be around "someone else's family" and watch them interact - either good or bad.  I definitely don't want to be around any bickering.  I don't want to witness people not appreciating the immense blessing of just having their loved one still alive.  But, then I feel like I'm not giving my friends and family enough credit.  They probably feel like they are the ones walking on eggshells because at any second I could cry.  If I hear a diesel truck drive by I will cry.  If someone talks about hunting, guns, fishing, tractors, boots, camo, military, plaid shirts, dogs, cats,  video games, ooooh just about anything right now that maybe, might remind me of Scott - I might cry.  And right now, I need to be somewhere that's okay.  Where I don't have to be strong and hold myself together.  I've got a whole bunch of firsts coming up, Thanksgiving, my birthday, his birthday, Christmas, our 16th wedding anniversary and then New Year's.  Whammo.  And I'm not looking forward to any of it.  I'm not sending out Christmas cards, sorry.  I don't know if I'll be able to hold myself together.  I do have one trip coming up that I am looking forward to and I'm just hoping and praying it will be peaceful and that I won't offend or hurt anyone.

Last week I said I needed to live in a bubble.  But only if that bubble would be made out of kevlar, have enough room for dogs, and have some sort of weapon just in case.  So, really I need a tank.  I wish I could make myself not feel, protect myself somehow from the pain that continues to come in waves.  It's going to be 8 months in 2 weeks and it still feels so fresh, my mind still sees him and can't believe he's gone.  I still imagine what he'd be doing on a sunny, crisp day - what project he'd be working on outside.  Then today it was rainy a bit and overcast so I imagine what he'd have going on in his shop.  He always had talk radio playing in the shop, or a book on tape.  Always.  I can still see him there.