Sunday, July 14, 2013
Most days it's a struggle to get out of bed. Even though I've been awake off and on all night I still don't want to get up. Usually I can get about an hour or so after 6am. This past week I dreamed of Scott 3 times, all of them pretty involved so I won't go into it here. One of them he had been dead and returned to life....oh how I wish that could really happen! Doing chores around the house even though it's just me I have to clean up after seems like the most daunting task, and so therefore it usually doesn't get done. So today I slept in until about 10 or so (yes!) and was pleasantly surprised when I felt like getting stuff done around the house. I washed the dishes (luckily not too many) and made a batch of strawberry rhubarb jam. Then I made a batch of homemade laundry soap. I had a stroke of genius and used the water from the hot water bath from the jam for the soap! Less waste of perfectly good hot water! Then I just did some general clean up and vacuuming. It felt like I had climbed a mountain and was looking down on a beautiful valley, so satisfying. I know to most people doing menial housework seems like nothing. But, it's been a little over 3 months, 102 days, since my husband died and everything right now is overwhelming. I know I've said it before, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone! I've been going to grief counseling through the local hospice and it's been kind of helpful. Mostly it's been nice to talk to other widows and not feel like I'm making them uncomfortable with my sadness. I have been sewing. I have one finished quilt top that just needs to be pinned together with the back, quilted and bound. I have another that only has one square left to piece and then sew the rows together. I'll post pics when they are done.